Let's address some of the myths and facts about surviving child abuse as a male adult. We'll address issues such as: "If I’m a victim then I’ll be an abuser"; "What if I am gay because I was sexually abused"; "All abusers are male"; "I got aroused, I must have liked it"; "My offender must have been gay".

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder PTSD is a mental health condition that is triggered by a traumatic event. Signs and symptoms can follow immediately following the traumatic event or can lay dormant for years after. Just because you experienced a traumatic event doesn’t mean you will have PTSD. Only 12% of Australians will experience PTSD. There are many factors that influence whether a person will go on to have PTSD following a traumatic event. However, sexually abused men in childhood are 10 times more likely to qualify for a diagnosis of PTSD in comparison to the general community. Only a psychologist or psychiatrist can diagnose PTSD.

Many child abuse victims use alcohol and substance abuse to ‘numb’ the emotional pain of their abuse, often without knowing why they do it. After a while it becomes a habit and can become ingrained in who they are. Breaking that habit can feel like it is simply too hard with all of the other feelings and emotions you are dealing with including the pressures of life. I know you don’t want to hear it. But alcohol and drugs are probably making your ability to deal with the trauma worse.

Relationships can be especially challenging for survivors of childhood abuse. As kids, we often had a great deal of trust in adults. Unfortunately, that trust is also used as a tactic by perpetrators to abuse, especially vulnerable children. It is no wonder many childhood abuse victims often struggle to have healthy and supportive relationships, push people away and often try and handle things on their own.

With the welcomed changes to legislation following the Royal Commission into Institutional Abuse including removing the statute of limitations, being able to set aside prior ‘deeds of release’, formalising religious entities to litigate and the national redress scheme has empowered many survivors to actively seek justice. But seeking justice can also come at a cost and can be a complicated minefield of legal gobbledygook and convoluted court processes. It takes strength and courage to bring a perpetrator to justice, it’s not for everyone though. The process of justice can be more traumatizing than the abuse. Our court system is flawed and the scales of justice often seem to favour the guilty. But it is the only system we have! So, if we are to end this scourge on our children, then we need to bring these perpetrators to justice and have those hard conversations around the dinner table or having drinks with your mates. Childhood abuse is NOT OK. 1 in 6 men…. It’s more common than you think.

How to find a therapist can be trial and error. Half the battle is finding someone that you can relate to and that they can relate to you. Many people give up on ever going to a therapist again after their first session and lose faith in the process. Especially for men, even accepting that they might need help is a huge step. You might think you can sort it out yourself, but you wouldn’t do surgery on yourself so why should this be any different? After all, this is an injury you sustained as a kid and the sooner you get proper help, the sooner you can take control of your life again.

There are many proven tips that can help you through the daily pressures of life and being a survivor of child abuse. Everyone responds differently to trauma and different methods to deal with those responses work better for some and not others. Some methods might not work today but may work amazing tomorrow. The idea is to have as many tools in your toolbox as possible to get the job done.

How do you support a friend or loved one that is an adult survivor of child abuse? Simply being there for them without judgement can be the most powerful support you can give a survivor. Your role is not to ‘fix’ them even though it might be in your nature to be that way.

Victim or survivor…. It is just a state of mind. A victim can be defined by the harm that has occurred to them and a Survivor is defined by their life afterwards. You were a victim of childhood abuse and you survived it. Our aim is to now help you to thrive from it!