Myths and Facts
If I’m a victim then I’ll be an abuser.
This is a very damaging misconception. Just because you were abused as a child, it does NOT mean you will become a perpetrator. The research backs this up. While some perpetrators were also victims, the majority were not. Remember, there are a lot more male victims of childhood abuse than perceived.
Many victims limit their interactions with their children or others for fear they might be perceived as an abuser or fear that they will become an abuser. This only adds to their feelings of shame and guilt and yet, it is simply not true.
What if I am gay because I was sexually abused
There is not enough evidence to prove that a person’s action can change your sexual orientation. It is, however, common for victims of child sexual abuse to express confusion about their sexuality.
Sexual orientation can be very complex and even more complex when you are a victim of childhood abuse. It is another form of injustice that a perpetrator takes always a person’s natural ability to discover their own sexuality in their own time.
All abusers are male
Wrong! Many boys have been prematurely coerced, manipulated, exploited or forced into sexual acts with women. Remember, it’s not the sexual act that needs to be highlighted here but the position of power a person has on a boy. The royal commission into institutional abuse identified that 10% of abusers were women.
There can be confusion that any sexual act from a woman to a boy could only be a positive for their masculinity. But that kind of manipulation from a woman in a position of power can actually cause a man to a have variety of emotional and psychological problems.
I got aroused, I must have liked it
You may have been aroused from the abuse or even liked the attention of the abuse at the time. This does not mean you liked being manipulated or abused, especially by someone that is proficient in the art of grooming and manipulating kids for their own pleasure.
Boys can respond to sexual stimulation with an erection or orgasm even if it is traumatic and painful. It does not mean you wanted to be manipulated or abused. This confusion of the trauma leads to overwhelming feelings of shame and guilt.
For some, they wanted to please their abusers, to have their attention. Many abusers prey on boys that do not have a positive male role model in their lives. So whatever attention, including sexual, might feel good to the boy at the time. But in reality, the boy was vulnerable to being manipulated and exploited.
My offender must have been gay
It is a myth that perpetrators are often gay men. Sexual orientation has nothing to do with your offender.
Research has shown that it is more about control and power over someone than sexual orientation.
In fact, the percentage of gay perpetrators is the same as the percentage of gay men in the general population.
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